A Disruption of Peace
Before I knew it, my peace was disrupted and I didn’t know how to get it back. I didn’t know what was happening in my world or why it was happening. I’d been on a journey of trusting God with the unknown and this particular day, I was scared.
On October 13, 2022, I was riding down a street I’d been on several times before. I was on the phone, talking to a friend when I unknowingly began narrating what would soon become an attempted carjacking. Before I knew it, someone cut me off in traffic, the passenger was running toward my car and BOOM, I collided with a fire truck in an attempt to get away from the car and the person running towards me.
To say I was terrified is not a strong enough word to explain my emotions. I was all over the place. The first person I called was my mama. I wasn’t sure what she could do at the moment but I did know she was going to show up by any means necessary. And that’s exactly what she did. (Thanks Mom! I’m forever grateful for you.)
I called emergency dispatch, because the firemen witnessed the incident and didn’t stop. When they hung up, which I didn’t know they were supposed to do, I was panicking (I thought the carjackers would try to come back for me) and in my panic, my mind was racing for people who could be close in proximity to me. Immediately, I thought of my big brother. He was the first person to make it to me.
In hindsight, I’m grateful for how God showed up for me and how He used that situation for my good (Romans 8:28). You see, I’d only met my big bro 4 years prior to the incident. He was one of the many helping with repairs on my home.. We bonded over sarcasm and he and his wife have been only a phone call away since. And this particular day, though he wasn’t home, he was in a position to get to me ASAP. That’s not a coincidence. That’s a God-cidence.
Afterwards, I was messed up mentally. Driving was HARD! I would panic anytime people would pull up next to me, if I had to sit at a red light or if I was traveling on a street, any street. And driving at night?! Oh no! Get somebody else to do it!
This fear spilled over into my home. I didn’t feel safe anywhere. I struggled to sleep. I noticed all the noises. I would lock myself in my room and anxiously watch the cameras around my home so I could be partially prepared for anything. It was NUTS!
During a conversation with my friend, I mentioned not being able to afford a therapist. What she said to me next was life changing! She said, “God is a really good counselor, a Wonderful Counselor, at that.” So whatever it is that I’m feeling, I can take it to Him and He can help me through it. And that’s what I did. (Disclaimer: I am not saying do not go see a therapist. If you need a therapist, GO!)
I cried out to God. I let him know I could no longer live in fear. After all, His word says He does not give us a spirit of fear but of power, love and a sound mind (2 Timothy 1:7). I spent the next few months reminding God of what His word says. I would honestly tell Him I didn’t believe what His word said but I would keep repeating it until I believed it (Mark 9:24).
Let’s clarify that. I know God is a BIG God and He is not a God who can lie (Numbers 23:19) so I know His word is true but because I was struggling with anxiety, I didn’t believe it enough to walk in the peace He so freely gives (John 14:27). But I found rest in one of my favorite verses, John 16:33. Because we live in a sinful world, we will experience suffering but we can be courageous because Jesus conquered the world.
I began to rest in His promises and remind Him of His word. I’d repeat it over and over and over and over again. So much so, I am now able to get in the car, ride down the street and drive at night. That doesn’t mean I don’t still sometimes experience fear, because I do. But now I know who goes before me and prepares the way. It’s my Warrior God, the God of Heaven’s Armies, who fights for me. It is that peace that I rest in. My peace is no longer disrupted.
