Be Successful and Avoid Failure

Before I began blogging, the goal was to be successful and avoid failure. So, I researched a lot and talked to several different people. There was so much information out there and so much to learn. One piece of information I obtained was to be consistent in order to be successful. If I wanted to be successful and avoid failure, I needed to post every week on a specific day. Since I wanted to succeed, I tried to make that happened. I wanted to make it work. If you’ve been reading from the beginning, you know that didn’t happen.

I had this idea to post a series of posts about a specific topic: heartbreak. Whew! Talk about vulnerability! That was tough for me. At that moment, the enemy started attacking my thoughts. It was the most difficult time. I struggled with writing. Some of the posts took me to places I hadn’t been in a while and I realized I hadn’t actually dealt with the feelings, I’d just buried them. Before I could post about my heartbreak, I realized I needed to deal with the skeletons in my closet.

Dealing with them pulled me in many directions. I had to be honest with myself and that wasn’t very easy. Then I started avoiding the emotions altogether. I mean, who needed to deal with buried stuff anyway? I did! We all do. Constantly avoiding what needs to be resolved only spills over into other areas of life.

When I started going full speed into the home buying process, I realized I didn’t have as much time as I thought I had. It especially left no time to write. After about a month of avoiding, I sat down to write and I just cried. I didn’t know why I was crying, I just cried. I’m sure they were tears I should have cried long time ago but I was too “busy” to deal with them.

I cried tears for my friend, my dad, relationships past and for me. It wasn’t until I started thinking about me that I realized I’d broken my own heart and I hadn’t dealt with those feelings either. I just kept trying to make things better. I felt the need to make me better. My heartbreak caused me to overcompensate in other areas just to feel validated. To feel I’d accomplished things and I’d made up for my mistakes. I realized it all boiled down to me failing.

I wanted so badly to keep up with the expectations of others. However, the real issue was that I needed to prove to myself that I could do it. In trying to prove these things, I realized I had already exceeded my expectations. I’d already done what I never thought I’d do. I started. It may not look the way I imagined it would look but I started. And I didn’t quit.

I just realized in life, things don’t always appear the way we think they should. This caused me to think about what I’d accomplished thus far and praise myself for that. My journey doesn’t look like anyone else’s because it was specifically designed for me. Ultimately, I had to be okay with not living up to the expectations of others and run the race that was placed in front of me.

I can’t move at the pace of others because of the different variables in my life. Setting boundaries and realizing my priorities became more evident. Saying no more often than others wanted to hear became a necessity.  Then, being mindful of my self care caused me to slow down more and refresh. (Although, I came to this conclusion, I still struggle with it.) Realizing what’s best for me means, at times, I have to filter through the “advice” of others and only use what will give me the best outcome for me.

I’m writing all of this to say, do what’s best for you. Figure out where your yes’s end and your no’s begin. I can promise you, no one will necessarily like your no but it’s not for them to like. It’s for you to place a boundary line there to keep them from crossing. So don’t beat yourself up for not meeting expectations others placed on you. Find out what works best for you and do your best.

In all of this, my sweet faced Jasiah came home one day and said, “Mommy, failure leads to success.” I looked at him in awe and I agreed. Failure leads to success. I realized my original expectations didn’t align with the most important things in my life. That means I needed to redefine my expectations and do what works best for me. If I fail, I know what doesn’t work and I can try something else. After all, being successful doesn’t mean you avoid failure. It means you embrace failure. So thanks to a cute little ball of optimism, I’m back!

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