A Letter to my Father
Dear Daddy,
It’s Father’s Day weekend. As I sit and think about the best gift to give, I realize, I don’t know what to give you. My mind is flooded with thoughts of how you’ve shown up for me over the years and I feel, nothing I come up with will ever compare. What gift is there to give the best Daddy ever!? Should I buy a tie? Some socks? A watch? Take you to dinner? Buy you some gift cards? A toolkit? Seriously, what do I get you?
When I replay the memories in my head, I’m overwhelmed with emotion. Like the time, years ago, I was laying in bed, it had been a rough day. I called out to you and you immediately came. I told you about my day and you listened attentively. I wasn’t sure what to do but you did. You wrapped your arms around me and allowed me to drift off to sleep, resting peacefully in your arms. I wasn’t expecting you to show up like that but I’m sure glad you did.
I think about all the times there were things out of my reach. I needed you to help me reach it. Some of those things you very lovingly handed to me. Others, you explained I was too young to have but I would be able to get and use those things when the timing was right. I never liked to hear your no’s. They hurt. But in hindsight, I understand why I wasn’t able to have whatever it was. As time continued, I was able to recognize your no’s as protection and not rejection.
Remember that time I was mad at you because I thought you took something from me that I truly desire?. I not-so-secretly held that drudge for years, pretending I wasn’t hurt. Pretending I wasn’t mad. But you knew. And you loved me anyway. The day I finally decided to admit it, you didn’t shame me, you looked at me lovingly and told me you were proud of me. Proud that I’d finally been honest with not only you, but with myself as well. Proud that I’d finally decided to release the hurt and forgive you. I was shocked. I was expecting you to be angry. To be upset. But not you. You were just one proud Dad.
One of my favorite memories was the time I felt like talking to someone while I was driving so I called you. There were several other people I could have called but you were the one I wanted to talk to most. That was a great conversation! We talked, laughed and cracked jokes. I was literally in tears laughing at the things you were saying. You’re probably the funniest person I know, with the best sense of humor. Though sometimes, the joke is on me…and that’s not always funny!
Then there are times when I’m scared and you protect me. What’s even better is when you can’t get to me in the amount of time I desire. You don’t just leave me hanging. You send people my way, making sure I’m taken care of until I feel okay. There’s never been a need you haven’t met. A tear you haven’t wiped. A bruise you haven’t kissed. Your love for me is unmatched. Sometimes I wonder if you can ever love me more than you do. Seems I can’t even begin to imagine the love you have for me. It’s without condition. You love me simply because I am your child. Nothing more. Nothing less.
When I don’t understand, you speak my language. When it’s out of my reach, you teach me patience, imparting wisdom, while preparing me for it. You’re gentle, kind, loving, never pushing me away but always drawing me towards you. Even when I try to do things my way, you wait, patiently, arms wide open for me to come to my senses and realize your ways are always better than my ways.
It’s always funny when people suggest I talk too much. They obviously don’t know how much YOU talk. You always have something to say, about everything. Even the things I don’t think you care much about. The way you take interest in the details of my life makes me want to continue to include you. It shows you care and speaks to you as a Father.
You’re literally the best and I’m grateful you chose me to be your daughter. Thank you for teaching me how to be a daughter. How to rest in knowing you’re my Father, without always feeling I need to earn your love. Thank you for being the Father I never knew I needed. I love you. Happy Father’s Day.
Tarekia
